Updated regularly with new meme sounds and music to a large soundboard. So who are your favorite SpongeBob characters? Sandy Spongebob? Pearl SpongeBob? And don’t forget to mark your calendar for SpongeBob’s Birthday July 14,, the largest soundboard dedicated to memes. If you told me Sandy Cheeks had a Gal Gadot stan account on Twitter, I’d believe you. Sandy is emotional, volatile, and undergoes extreme hormonal stress during Prehibernation week: Fucking. Sandy is competitive and antagonistic: gay. Sandy is athletic, extremely buff, enjoys extreme sports, and won the Goo Lagoon Anchor Toss competition: lesbian. Sandy loves karate and science-not one, but both: gay. If you wake Sandy while she’s hibernating, she turns into an intractable, growling monster: gay. Sandy is hyper-intelligent and braggadocious: gay. Let’s just do a speed round of Sandy’s lesbian traits, because there’s so many. Where do I even begin? First of all, Sandy is a take-off on Sally Ride, the queer first American woman in space who was closeted the entire time she was alive.
No, what makes Squidward happy is being alone, and that is the queerest and most relatable trait of all. Squidward doesn’t find joy in doing straight bullshit, like going to the Krusty Krab with a bunch of aquatic flops. He’s a pretentious curmudgeon who thinks he’s better than his neighbors, he rejects displays of basic happiness, and is a very particular man. He is a straightforward parody of a Manhattan art gay, one of those bitter, lonely, middle aged gay men who retires to his contemporary pad to live a life of solitude with his hobbies, his art, his flute, and his resentments.
No one will put up a fight if you claim Squidward is gay.
I’ve always felt as though Squidward is canonically gay, or at least has been widely accepted as such. He is every cheap, greedy, sleazy business owner who stands outside his storefront with his arms crossed, waiting for someone to park in one of the two designated spots for his business, so he can berate you for trying to go to the laundromat next door when the spot is clearly marked “The Krusty Krab.” He wears dumb fucking straight men shirts and even dumber straight men pants, and if he had feet, you best believe he’d be flaunting Crocs. Krabs upheld patriarchal systems by treating his daughter Pearl like an untouchable, virginal goddess, instead of like a person - sorry, a whale - who deserves love and affection and whale dick as much as the rest of us. He’s the most garbage heterosexual on this show. Here is every (major) character in SpongeBob Squarepants, ranked by queerness.ĭude, fuck Mr. Now, as an adult, I’d like to honor Hillenburg’s indelible legacy by reexamining each SpongeBob character and how queer they are. When I was a child, I saw the wonderful and unique players in SpongeBob Squarepants through innocent eyes.